Beginners Guide to Eating Dinner Alone

She was beautiful. Mid 20s, elegant, seemingly reserved but oozing the aura of confident. I watched her place her napkin on her lap and take a few bites of the first dish which had been delivered to her table. How could this be? She was bound to have friends, bound to have places to be. She was alone, and she was having dinner, in a high-end restaurant, and she seemed totally 100% FINE with it.

After observing her contentedness for a time, and inwardly noting how she was not blasting a Taylor Swift love song or distracting herself from her seeming isolation by being glued to her phone, I decided I had to either ask this girl if she waiting for someone to come, or congratulate her on what seemed to me to be an act of sheer nobility. As I was clearing the area surrounding her, I impulsively went with the latter. With little sophistication, I leaned towards her and blurted out, “I love that you are just owning this, your having dinner here by yourself and you seem completely fine. Just..at peace..happy and like, that’s awesome.” She didn’t look shocked by my congratulations, but instead glanced up in gratitude and uttered a sweet and simple response. “Yeah.. I love the food here. And I guess it helps I am an only child so I’m completely used to doing things alone.” She didn’t say it with sorrow, she didn’t say it with disdain, just with a half-smile which progressed into a slight giggle.

We went on to chat casually, workplaces/family/summer and eventually she left on her merry way leaving little but a few crumbs and a tip for the waitress who so kindly commended the magnificence of her casual Tuesday antics. However when she left, something stayed with me.

“USED TO DOING MANY THINGS ALONE.”

The words reverberated in my head. Used to it? How could you be used too it? Surely even in her confidence she knew that life is to be enjoyed most whilst in the continual company of others. Each day submersed under the laughter of many, any affliction camouflaged by some kind words from friends who can swiftly distract and take attention off life’s distressing moments. RIGHT? And there was my fatal flaw.

I couldn’t shake it. Why was this such a shock to me? Why was I so blown away by something so simple.

 Maybe I didn’t like to be alone.

Umm..Understatement of the century. More like I couldn’t think of anything worse. I didn’t like it at all, on any level or in any context. As an early 20s extreme extrovert who lives life in rainbow colours and makes more friends on a bus journey to the beach than some do in a lifetime..the idea of actual aloneness struck a chord somewhere within me of fear and anxt.

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This one restaurant interaction went on to become something that has really left a lasting impact on my life. It got me thinking..really thinking. Now I do know that each one of us is different. I know that some may even be somewhat mortified that I think it impressive that she was doing this. Others might think it ghastly and awkward that i would go as far as to congratulate her on her independence. But her actions just caught me off guard and I loved it. Because she was owning it. She didn’t care. She could have been anyone, from the daughter of the President of the world to a heartbroken dream girl who got stood up on a date. I just loved that she was owning it. Loving her food and her time and really not giving a damn what anyone thought. She literally even said it..

“I LOVE THE FOOD.” SERIOUSLY!?!

Giiiirl. THAT IS AWESOME.

I think it actually changed my life.

Since meeting her I have been mulling over the thoughts of not living your life for the approval of others, and also being ok to be alone. I acknowledge that even then, on some sunny days I think I could potentially (probably not but maybe) have done the dinner thing, but actually hate every second of it..But In time the beliefs started to form that there could indeed be some kind of real solace and actual joy from spending some time not submersed in the company of others.

I started to think about her freedom. It was fierce but in the most graceful of manners. Why would I, or anyone, waste time bowing down to the approval of everyone else? Would I feel like the wait staff were judging? Does it mean you don’t have people if you aren’t with them all the time? If she had spent her night looking around to see if anyone thought her actions bizarre, or her entire time glued to her phone, or with headphones blaring music, she literally would have missed the experience that brought joy to her life. How free it is to actually not care. To just be. I am here, eating dinner alone, because I want to be because I like the food and it’s cool. End of story. Apply it to any scenario. I wore this really ugly sweater that you wouldn’t be seen dead in because..guess what..I liked it. I ate sushi for breakfast, lunch and dinner for 11 days in a row, because..I wanted too. I booked tickets to Poland by myself for summer 2019 because I want to see some em.. museums. I literally love that I could take away from one short encounter that there is strength in her independent actions, and love that actually, each one of us can just own it. WHATEVER your it is.

Furthermore..We may as well actually go far as to make and embrace some time to be by yourself. As the seasons have developed I have now started to see that there is some serious power in recognising alone time as a precious thing. I don’t know quite why this was recent revelation to me, but upon consideration it has come alive to me that each and every one of us, spends more time with ourselves than with any other individual on the planet. There is no escaping your own skin, your own company.

You wake up to yourself every morning, you go to bed with yourself every night. Some actual time to process, time to set goals, time to think through things that have happened, time to remember things that have been forgotten, time to be thankful for the incredible blessings that have been apart of everyday life and time to dream a little more and think further for the future. Whilst living life in a constant state of social, leaving little room to breathe never mind think,process or dream..the days fly by and time can often speed up. However, I have found there to be somewhat of an empty hollow left beyond this. People live their own lives, they are not responsible for yours and they cannot be your buffer to numb or escape in every waking moment. Make some time for you to be you.

This girl taught me something. She inspired me to own it. And she challenged me to love it. Potentially now I will have much more to give others when I am with them, my encounters enriched and my life enhanced because of how I have grown within my personal time. And potentially now I will be even more free than before. Refreshed, alive and free.